"I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death," Philippians 3:10
For years I have kept a spiritual journal in one form or another. It's good to go back and read entries from years past and see what God has done in my life. How He has taught me and grown my faith; sometimes through joyful experiences, and more often through events that have brought me literally to my knees.
I want to share an entry I wrote just three months before the Lord called my husband home:
February 3, 2007
This morning I awoke to thoughts of You, Lord, and the word “cultivation” came into my mind. I pondered that for some time. Thought of how my father used to cultivate the soil on our farm to ensure a healthy crop. I took my notebook and wrote:
Just as a farmer cultivates the soil to ensure a healthy crop, so we must cultivate our spiritual soil – the soil of our hearts – to ensure our relationship with God grows; that we have a healthy walk with God. We want to produce a “bumper crop”.
A farmer never tries to plant a crop in hardened soil. And we want our hearts to be soft and open to what God wants to plant there. . .
Certainly, I desire to grow in my walk with You. This journey is too precious to let it just “happen”. I want to be an intentional follower of Christ – going deeper, drawing closer. “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection of the dead”. (Philippians 3:10)
I know, Lord Jesus, that an intentional follower of You will: Turn to You, Worship You, Love You, Serve You, Acknowledge You and Honor You.
"Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is no other.” Isaiah 45:22
"But I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. O my Strength, I sing praise to You; You, O God, are my fortress, my loving God." Psalm 59:16-17
Why am I sharing this intimate detail of my life with you? Because I want you to see that God answered my prayer to know Christ more deeply through the loss of my husband. I wish I could say to you that you will never have to suffer the loss of a loved one, or suffer physical pain to have a deeper and more soul-satisfying relationship with God, but I can't. I sincerely don't know any Christian who has grown in faith, in hope, and in love through a pain-free life. This isn't because God is cruel and doesn't care about our pain. Quite the opposite. Our Father loves us and only allows grief and suffering to show us that He is with us and will never abandon us. We must understand that God wants to build our character, our faith, and our trust in Him. I truly believe that it is through the journey of suffering that He accomplishes His greatest work in our lives. IF we let Him. He won't force us to come to Him for comfort, but we're fools if we don't. "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)
Even if I thought I could go back and undo that prayer for a deeper relationship with God if it meant Jim would still be here with me, I wouldn't do it. God already knew before I prayed it that Jim would leave earth very soon. He was already preparing me, helping me to see the bigger picture. I'm eternally grateful that Jim left this world to live eternally with our precious Savior. That gives me so much peace. And what's more, I have an unshakeable faith through the power of the Holy Spirit that God is an amazing, loving, gracious, kind and faithful Father who will continue to teach and grow me as He wills. To Him be the glory!
Today's music video Knowing You (All I Once Held Dear) by UK songwriter Graham Kendrick speaks to the greatest thing we can possess. Let it be your worship song today.
I love you, I'm thinking of you, and I'm praying for you.
You speaking of Jim makes me remember the wonderful times we shared . The Three Musketeers, full of adventure. We even came to the Lord pretty much at the same time. Miss those times....Love you, Karen
ReplyDeleteTo Him be the glory!
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate everything you said in your post. We need to rise up each morning and intentionally seek His Word and His guidance. He never promised we wouldn't have pain and why shouldn't we, just look at the pain He bared on the cross for us. What He does promise is that He will always be there with us through the pain.